Eyebrow Waxing and Getting Out of my Funk

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Hey everyone! Long time no see!

So you may or may not have been wondering where I have been lately. It has been a little while since my last post, so I felt I should let you all know what is going on. Basically, I have been in a bit of a funk lately, but I have been slowly pulling myself out of it. For the last two weeks or so, I have not really had the motivation to do hardly anything, including writing (be it this blog, short story, etc.). Nothing terrible is going on in my life, I just find myself falling into funks or ruts or whatever your preferred noun for this situation may be and it takes me a few days to a week to start getting out of it and then about another week before I am “all better”.

What I decided to do is to start exercising and blogging on a regular basis. I have been making use of the treadmill in the exercise room at our apartment complex and it seems to have helped a lot. I’m not terribly out of shape, but I am out of shape enough that I can’t really run for long periods of time but I found on the treadmill doing a quick paced walk for a while and then jumping up to a nearly full run for a minute and then back to the quick walking for a few minutes and then repeating the process is AWESOME! I really thought I might die the first time I tried this, but since then I have been getting much better at it. It is still a struggle and I feel my body trying to hold back, but I am slowly getting better and so I take that as a victory.

As far as blogging goes, I am going to be experimenting with when I blog. At first I wanted this to be a daily blog, but I just do not see that working out right now as I just don’t always seem to have the time to sit down and blog. Also, I have found that I have to be Erica to write this blog, meaning I have to at least be dressed up as Erica and not as my male self. I tried once and it just didn’t feel right, so I deleted the little bit I had typed up and waiting until the next time I could dress up as Erica. As much as I would like to, I just don’t always have the time to dress up as Erica everyday, most days I do, but a lot of times I simply do not, which I find very unfortunate. So as for right now, daily blogging just doesn’t seem all that feasible. So why am I telling you all this? Well, two reasons: for one, this is basically me thinking out loud at this point, lol, and second, the days that I blog will probably be pretty sporadic for a couple of weeks. As I have said in one or two of my previous posts, I want to do more than just post random thoughts and stories on here. I want to start putting up tutorials and then go from there, so I think getting a set schedule for when I blog will also help me have more time to work on that.

So all of that being said, I do have an interesting story for all of you. A few days ago I went with my wife when she got her eyebrows waxed and I got mine done as well! They look great, but really all I did was have her clean my eyebrows up a bit. Still, they have a bit more shape to them, they are a little thinner than they were before and later today I will find out just how much they help with the whole look (I am not currently in makeup, but will be shortly when I finally feel like standing up and going into the bathroom to put some one). The woman who did my eyebrows was amazing and laughed a little every time she pulled off one of the strips because I flinched a little and kind of flexed the area she just waxed. After the second or third strip she laughed and told my wife, “You can tell this is his first time because he kind of does this (she then mimicked what I was doing)”. She, my wife and I laughed and I made a comment about the tightness of my skin after the wax was pulled off. She and my wife laughed a little more and agreed with me but found it amusing that I was discovering first hand what women have been doing for… I don’t know how long, lol.

So if you are reading this and you are thinking about getting your eyebrows waxed, I say go do it! Lots of guys get their eyebrows waxed, but I will say start with telling them to clean them up a little bit, that way they will be waxed but not terribly feminine. From there you can do what I plan on doing, which is that every time I go back I am going to have her remove a little more and shape them a little more. This is really just for my personal benefit. While I can walk into a store and buy women’s clothing or makeup without batting an eye, walking around with waxed eyebrows when I do not live full time as a woman is a little different, lol. So I figure going slow with it will help me get used to walking around with waxed eyebrows and before long I will have killer looking eyebrows!

But that is all I have for you all today. Hope you are having a good weekend and I hope you are able to enjoy this beautiful weather.

Stay beautiful,

Erica S.

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Shopping Adventure

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So yesterday my co-worker (we will call her T) and I went out to do a little shopping and in the process I found a couple cute new shirts and I learned a valuable lesson about shopping.

T picked me up and we were off to our first of three stops. On our way she mentioned she forgot to take a picture of her shoes that she wanted to wear out that night and I asked her why she needed a picture, to which she replied that that way she could use the picture to get a better idea of what would look good with them. I laughed a little bit, causing her to laugh and to tell me to shut up.

A few minutes later we pulled into a parking spot and got ready to head into the first store we went to, which was a local women’s clothing store that is going out of business and had signs advertising 50-80% off when we pulled in. As we got out of the car I asked if it was only women’s clothing or if they also carried men’s clothing and she told me it was women’s only and asked if that was alright. I told her it was fine, just that if they sold men’s clothing then I would have a changing room to use, which was something she hadn’t thought about but said she knows a woman that works there and would ask if I could use the changing room anyways. We got lucky and the woman was working, so T asked if I would be able to use the changing room and the woman not only replied with a yes but said it happened all the time, a detail that instantly made me feel much more comfortable about the store. We looked around but ultimately left empty handed since most of what was left was cat themed sweaters and dresses that looked appropriate for a high school prom and not much else. It was a little disappointing but I learned a lesson while we were there. While we were looking around, T asked me what I was looking for and I told her I was looking for a longer sleeved, darker colored top to go with my skirt. She asked what the skirt looked like and I tried the best I could to describe it but found I couldn’t remember as many details as I thought I would.

She laughed, I looked to her with a puzzled look and she replied, “This is why you take pictures before you go shopping.” Instantly the irony hit me and I couldn’t help but join in the laughter. So while we left the store empty handed, I learned it is a good idea to snap a picture of an article of clothing you want to build an outfit around. I feel like this should have been a common sense moment for me and I was a little disappointed I didn’t think of it before hand, but at least I walked away with what I find to be an amusing little anecdote.

At the next store I found two shirts that I knew I was buying the moment I saw them. The first was a three-quarter sleeve shirt that is open in the front, requiring an undershirt. I grabbed it off the rack, held it up and T even gave an approving “aww” when she saw it, asking if it was my size. It is a size smaller than I normally look for, but looked like if worn by a person of the size it was intended for that it would be a little long and loose fitting, so I figured I had a good chance of fitting in it, though it might be a little snug. The second shirt I found is again a three quarter sleeve, open in the front but with a false undershirt sewn into it. The “top” part of the shirt (not sure what else to call it) is a darker red (not terribly dark though) with very thin, horizontal black lines giving it a darker, deeper color and a black false undershirt. It came with a kind of hefty looking necklace, but I lucked out as it was easily removed when I got home and you can’t even tell it was ever there in the first place now. I also picked up two eye shadow color pallets; one for green eyes which I gave to my wife and one for blue eyes that I got for me.

The last store we went to was to find a good under shirt for the black three quarter sleeve I’d just purchased. We also lucked out as this is the store I bought the skirt at and they happened to have another one on the rack, so I was able to show it to T and we instantly knew what to look for, a dark grey tank top. After looking around we found one and continued browsing, checking out a couple scarfs and giving the purses a quick glance but I ended up only getting the tank top.

When I got home, I tried everything on, starting with the black three quarter sleeve with the tank top under and my skirt. It was a great combination, but I discovered I should have gone with one size larger for the tank top, but the three quarter sleeve fits great! Next I changed into my skinny jeans and threw on the red and black three quarter sleeve and found that that combination looks pretty darn good too!

So ultimately I call the whole thing a success, just wish the tank would have fit, but oh well, just have to return it and get one a size bigger, plus at least I got the other two shirts, especially the red and black one, which I friggin’ love! Also it was pretty nice hanging out with T and getting to openly explore my feminine side in front of a friend like that. I have talked with her about it quite a bit, but other than my wife I’ve never shopped for anything in front of anyone else before, and having her with me helped with my confidence ALOT! I know I’ve said before that I am confident enough to go in and buy anything I want without caring, but there is one thing I’ve still not gotten over, and that is taking my sweet time with it.

Having T with me I was able to look around more than I usually do, picking up more shirts, holding them up to myself rather than just holding them up and away from me trying to picture myself in it and over all I was far more comfortable. Towards the end she could tell I wasn’t as comfortable as I could have been, though, and that was true, as I’ve still not gotten used to looking around for long periods of time and we looked through that last store a few times before deciding on the tank that I got. Still, it was a great experience and I am looking forward to the next time we go shopping as I believe I may have found my new shopping buddy!

Stay beautiful,

Erica S.

Becoming a Confident Woman (or Starting to, Anyways)

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I have mentioned before that I do not wear boxers very often anymore, usually only when going out or to work and to bed about half the time. As of right now, as I type this out, it has been about 4, maybe 5 days since the last time I wore my boxers (I don’t know if this is true, but when I put on a pair of panties after applying lotion and haven’t allowed the lotion to fully dry, I feel like the panties are absorbing the lotion since they are so much tighter than my boxers). So for the past 4 or possibly 5 days, I have worn panties, exclusively. I have worked all of these days (except today, which is my first day off in almost a week) and while I wore panties to work a couple week ago, I also wore boxers over them, something I’ve not done for the last few days. Then yesterday I even wore a bra to work, under about 4 or 5 layers of clothing, including a hoodie, but I did it!

Today I ran up to where I work (I do a little side work for my manager on my days off for a little extra spending cash) and while I wasn’t dealing with customers and I stayed behind the counter nearly the entire time I was there and so only interacted with my two mangers (both of whom know already), I wasn’t wearing gloves but I was wearing fingernail polish on my left hand. Then, just before I started typing this, I got into “Erica mode”, meaning I changed into my female pants and shirt, stuffed my “breasts” into my bra, threw on some makeup and topped it off with my wig. After getting the wig on and combed I stepped back, looked in the mirror and thought, “DAAAAAAAAAAAWMN! I look good!” lol.

I still have a bit of a shadow showing through since I still haven’t gotten around to buying any, and I still see my masculine features showing through as well, but personally, I think I look damn good today! lol. And, after all, that’s what its all about, looking and feeling good to yourself, so I am chalking today up as a win, even though my makeup teacher postponed until tomorrow 😥

But this brings me to the main topic I wanted to talk about today: Becoming a confident woman. I really feel like I am already starting to become vastly more confident over all, but I am also starting to feel more like a woman every time I dress up, and not only that, but I am also feeling more confident in how I look as a woman as well as how well I am able to portray myself as a woman. Though, in the end, the main thing is that I feel like a woman.

When I first started off with all of this opening up and exploring this side of myself, I expected to get comfortable and eventually start to feel confident. However, I never would have thought it would start this quickly, and honestly, I attribute at least part of that to this blog and an equal part to all of you who read this blog and follow it. First and foremost, I write this blog for myself but also hope that it helps others out there or that other people out there enjoy reading it. This blog allows me to express myself in a more feminine way (even though I don’t think my writing as gotten very feminine, if that makes any sense, lol) and thus kind of helps me develop as Erica and helps her to have a voice. That being said, those of you that come back to this blog and read it every so often or more, all of you help just as much, if not more, than just writing this blog alone.

If this blog had no followers and never got any views or likes or comments, I would still write it. I would still post the things that I have been posting for the reasons already given in the above paragraph. However, knowing that people are reading it and liking it certainly helps. It helps keep me going with the blog, causing me to post to it more frequently than I would if no one read it, but also helps me feel confident in my viewpoints and experiences that I share here.

I am growing more confident as a woman, the woman I have always wanted to be, and as I said, I attribute some of that to simply having this blog, but I also attribute some of it to all of you out there. So for that, I truly and sincerely thank you for that and I hope as this blog grows all of you continue to find something in it making it worth your time to come back time and time again. I hope that as this blog grows it continues to help others as much as it has already helped me and I hope it continues to meet any standards anyone has already started to develop for it (which if you have, I appreciate the confidence, but I don’t even have many standards yet as I am still working on figuring out the exact direction I want to eventually go with, lol).

So thank you all for your early support of not only this blog, but my journey of self discovery and finally being able to say that I am, in fact, happy with my life over all.

Stay beautiful,

Erica S.

Makeup Teacher and my New Addiction

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You may remember, if you are a regular reader of this blog, that I recently asked my boss if her wife would be interested in teaching me how to do my makeup. Well, she unfortunately said no, but only because she only knows how to do her makeup and with our eyes and hair color being so different and our skin tones so different, she just didn’t feel like she would know where to start. To make up for this, though, they suggested a friend of theirs who does makeup professionally. Well, I got a hold of her over the weekend and we are meeting tomorrow afternoon so she can teach me! SUPER EXCITED!!!

I am not sure exactly what will happen, but I think she will take me shopping for makeup and then come back here to my apartment to show me how to put it on properly and such. That or she might just bring all of her makeup and show me what I would need and how to use/wear it. Either way, I am very excited. All of the makeup tutorials I have found so far assume that anyone watching/reading them already knows something about makeup, which I do not. The part I find most irritating about this, though, is that even the so-called “for beginners” tutorials I have found really don’t tell you anything, its usually just a woman (cis or trans) putting on their makeup in front of a camera. They usually tell you what they are using, but never explain why or what it actually is, its always more “watch me do my makeup and if you already know the basics of makeup and its application, then you might be able to follow along”. BLAH!

So having someone willing to sit down with me and go over everything, even if it is just a crash course, will benefit me greatly I believe. So expect me to post something about the whole thing either tomorrow or Wednesday afternoon, depending on if I have the time to sit down and write about the experience.

The other thing I wanted to talk about briefly is my new addiction that likes to be called “online shopping”.

Again, if you are a regular reader of this blog, then you probably already know my general stance on online shopping (in that I prefer in store shopping and I encourage everyone to do so), but I have recently started to realize how amazingly awesome it is to shop online! I still prefer to shop in store, and the vast majority of my shopping is done in store, but I’ve found a couple of websites that are pretty awesome! I ordered a bottle of fingernail polish (still waiting for delivery) that was listed as having a retail value of $15-20 (can’t remember the exact retail price off hand) and the website had it listed for $6. It ended up going on sale and with shipping I got it for $3. Pretty awesome, right? I thought so, lol.

But the cheaper prices are not the main reason I’ve fallen in love with online shopping, the main reason is that I have started to realize how fun it is to window shop, and not only that but taking that concept to the internet opens up the door to a plethora or options to choose from. I’ve already found (found, not bought) a great number of shirts, dresses and other accessories I never would have found in store around here, and a lot of it comes from over seas, but that is why online shopping is so awesome! Rather than just being able to see what is available around here, I can basically browse the entire Earth in search for the perfect blouse or the cutest jeans I can find.

Now, online shopping isn’t perfect, as you can’t try anything on before buying it and if you need to return something it is kind of notoriously difficult to return online purchases (in general, some websites make it rather painless, but those sites are kind of rare) but really I think my biggest problem I am likely to run into is how cheap I can find things. I am a gamer and I know what happens to my bank account at the end of the year when Steam (basically iTunes for PC games for you non-gamers out there) has their annual blowout sale where nearly every game is anywhere from 40-80% off, so I can only imagine I will need to come up with some sort of system to be able to online shop but still be able to do things like pay my bills, purchase food, etc. lol.

So with that, I hope you all had a great weekend and that the trend continues through the week. Until next time…

Stay beautiful,

Erica S.

My Adventure with Fingernail Polish and I Also Bought an Epilator

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Yesterday after I got out of work I went and bought a bottle of fingernail polish to try out. The blouse that I have is about a thousands different shades of green, so I thought green would be a good color and so that is what I was looking for. The first bottle I found was a color that I absolutely loved, but it was “instant dry” and since I’m not very good with fingernail polish, I opted to look for something else after a quick mental debate. I hesitantly put the bottle back and in doing so noticed another bottle a little further down that was a great shade of green and also had glitter mixed in with it. I grabbed the bottle and gave it a quick scan, seeing that no where on the bottle were the words “instant dry” and so I proceeded to the checkout lane.

I got home, grabbed the fingernail polish remover from the bathroom and the bag of cotton balls I bought with the polish, plopped down on the couch, turned on New Girl on Netflix and got to work. As soon as I started the first stroke on my thumbnail I realized I had made a mistake. The polish I grabbed, Pure Ice: Looks Like Rain, was actually a clear coat with green glitter as well as a little bit of slightly larger, metallic glitter mixed in with it. I tried doing a couple of layers, but wasn’t really happy with the end result.

As I removed the polish, I remembered my wife got a gift bag at work a couple days prior and in the bag was a bottle of fingernail polish that is just kind of flesh colored. We both tried it on and found it rather boring. I mentioned that it reminded me of a fingernail polish version of foundation and she agreed. So now, here I was with access to these two bottles and I went to work experimenting, knowing my wife wouldn’t mind me doing so as she didn’t really plan on wearing the polish she had gotten anyways.

I applied a couple layers on each finger on my left hand and did various amounts of the glittery polish on top of that. I even tried different designs, covering my thumb and index finger in even coats across the entire nail, but with a layer less on my index finger than thumb, then on one finger I tried to do a sort of French manicure with the glittery polish at the tip of the nail only and on another I just did a single line down the center of the nail, leaving my pinky with only the skin tone polish.

They looked fairly decent, but there was a lot of polish (I went a little over board) and so they were just taking far too long to dry. I took it all off and tried again, this time only on my thumb. The end result looked pretty good, so over all, I call it a pretty good learning experience, with one of the main lessons being to put fingernail polish on one thin coat at a time, with thin being the key term.

Another thing I bought yesterday was an epilator. Ever since I started shaving my legs, I’ve spent a large amount of money on razors blades, about as much as I spent on the epilator, but the point is that it was getting too expensive to maintain having smooth, sexy legs. I wasn’t really able to try out the epilator yesterday, though, because I had just shaved the day before and my hair was just barely too short for the tweezers on the epilator to catch them. However, I was able to use it today after work. I’m not sure I will ever go back to shaving again… well… as far as my legs go.

If you are unfamiliar with what an epilator is, you can think of it as the unholy offspring of an electric shaver a pair of tweezers and looks to have been designed around the same time as the iron maiden. Basically, rather than having blades that run perpendicular with the head of the razor, the blades are at a ninety degree angle with it. The blades are also not really blades, more little spinning metal discs with tweezers attached to them. If you think that sounds painful, then you are correct because it feels like taking little spinning metal discs with tweezers attached to them to your legs. However, I will say that my tolerance to the pain went up rather quickly, which may be contributed to the long, warm shower I took before hand to soften up the hairs, or maybe its just that easy to get used too. By the time I finished my left shin, the pain was more of a dull burning and was far more tolerable. Still, though, certain areas were far more sensitive than others, such as the back and front of my knee, though the sides weren’t very bad at all. I also noticed the front of my thighs tolerate the epilator far more than the back of my thighs, so I was pretty happy I had two speeds to work with.

The whole process was pretty smooth and once I found a good technique that seemed to work for me it all went smoother and much quicker. I will say it took me nearly two hours and I was only able to do my entire left leg and my right leg from the foot up to just above my knee, but I am going to finish that leg later once its done recharging. However, I contribute this to the fact that I realistically probably should have waited until tomorrow and let the hairs get just a little bit longer. I noticed the patches where the hair was a little longer required fewer passes than the patches where the hair was a little shorter.

I will say this, though, by the time I was done my leg looked like someone with a red pen drew dots all over them. These dots are already significantly less prominent, though, and its only been about an hour and a half since I finished. When I was done I plugged the epilator in so it could charge and threw on some lotion. As I said, now the red spots have faded and I’m sure they will be completely gone by morning, but we will have to wait and see.

Stay Beautiful,

Erica S.

Stepping Out, Possible Makeup Teacher and the Future of This Blog

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To date, I have yet to go anywhere while all dressed up. Its like living the cliche “all dressed up and no where to go” perpetually, lol. I have a long ways to go before I will be comfortable enough to do so, but I find that my longing to get dressed up and go to a crossdressing/transgender friendly bar or even tag along with a few of my co-workers when they have their “girls nights” has been getting stronger. I have been going at this certain pace so far; I am buying new products to try on a regular basis (meaning makeup, a wig, a skirt that I freaking LOVE and actually… hang on, I’m going to go change into it… …and I’m back, and yes, I really changed into the skirt, lol) but I feel like I need to turn things up a bit.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see myself as being the type of girl to buy something every day or spend my whole paycheck on my wardrobe or anything, but I want to hurry up have have everything I need to, dare I say… “pass”. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you probably know my thoughts on the idea of “passing”. If not, here is a very quick, very basic overview: The idea of passing should be treated as an unobtainable goal, meaning you can try to get as close as possible but don’t expect to ever fully, 100% “pass” (which is why I put it in the quotation marks). I know I wouldn’t be able to completely “pass”, but I want to get as close as I can, eventually. Before actually going out, I just want to not look like a dude that just threw on some makeup. If I’m going to look like a dude wearing makeup I want to look like a dude wearing making that knows what the eff he is doing! (Though really I’d love to be able to go out and have people think, “that chick is hot!”, but I don’t actually expect to, just wishful thinking lol) To get to that point I need more makeup, maybe a better fitting outfit, actual breast forms instead of my homemade ones (which this really depends on if I have a top that wouldn’t show cleavage) and a corset. Not that long ago, I wasn’t sure if I would ever want to go out somewhere dressed as a woman, trying to pass but not really caring if I don’t. Now, its no longer a question of if I want to do it, its more a question of how soon will I be able too? I know, I know, I need to just be patient and I need to save up a little money for at least one of the above mentioned items, and I know I should use the time it will take me to save up to get better with my makeup and to get a little more confident and to work on my feminine voice (getting close but want to get it a little better first) but I am IMPATIENT! lol. I can’t even really shop online because I’m too impatient to wait for shipping!

But this kind of brings me to another thing. I may have found a makeup teacher! My wife doesn’t wear very much makeup and I can’t seem to find any tutorials that don’t expect you to know something about what makeup does what or how to apply it, so for me makeup has been a LOT of trial and error. Now, I know, makeup takes trial and error, I know, but the trial and error I’ve had to go through seems to be a bit more than what you would expect, so I am very happy that my boss’ wife might teach me. I asked my boss about it today at work and they said they would ask her about it but doesn’t see her having a problem with it. I am friends with both of them and my boss is, until they talk to their wife tonight, the only person other than my wife who knows about any of this who is a part of my personal life. I believe she will have no problem and I can’t wait to find out tomorrow! 😀 What I am really looking forward to, though, is that my boss said that if she agrees to teach me how to do my makeup, she would probably also be willing to go to the store with me to help me pick out some colors and such to play around with and teach me how to find colors that work for me. I am VERY excited about this.

And all of this brings me to this next part. I have been giving some thought of where I want to take this blog. Obviously it is still rather young, and just having this blog, having this place to come and say what is on my mind, to help me explore the side of me known as Erica… I love this blog. In the nearly week that’s passed since I created it, I have grown so much and I have learned so much about myself, and I contribute that, at least in part, to this blog. Sorry if I got a little dramatic there, but its how I feel and I wanted to express the position I find myself in: I want to start planning for the future, but I don’t want to rush it and destroy the very thing that has helped me so much. So I think I have come to a good decision in what to do. I am going to create a new page on this blog for tutorials. Probably wont have it up for a week or so, but I am going to start putting up kind of basic, introductory tutorials.

The reason I want to do this is that for one, it will allow me to feel like the blog is growing but in such a way that I wont be trying to make the blog too big for me to handle, second it will allow for the blog to be more than just a blog and will hopefully make this whole thing a little more helpful and lastly, the tutorial page can grow with me. At first I would only be able to put up a few basic tutorials, but as my skills and knowledge grow, I can continue to add to it, so as I get better at certain things, so will the tutorial for it. So with that in mind, I have a question for you, my readers…

Is there any type of tutorial you would want me to post? I ask because if someone suggests something that I feel I am good enough at to be able to do a tutorial, then it will help me plan the first few that I put up. On the other hand, if someone asks for one in an area I am not so good at, it will give me a challenge to work up too, devoting more time and effort to that area until I get good enough to write a decent tutorial for, so in a way, you all would help me with my journey is a sort of direct way. Not sure if that last part sounds creepy or not, lol, but lets assume it doesn’t :p If you do have any suggestions for a tutorial, send me an e-mail at Ericas_Room@aol.com and I will see what I can do.

But that’s all I’ve got for today. Thank you for reading and remember to stay beautiful.

Erica S.

In-Store Shopping for Crossdressers

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It is about seven, seven thirty in the morning at my local Wal-Mart. I can see the pantie isle out of the corner of my eye as I approach the fifteen minute mark of hoovering and going though the motions of browsing the men’s clothing, but not really paying attention to any particular article of clothing. The older woman working that section of the store finishes straightening an end cap a couple isles from the one containing the panties and the she goes down one of the isles she was next too. A quick glance around and I see no one and I walk over and down the pantie isle.

I get about halfway down the isle and stop. My eyes scan the plethora of eight-packs of panties of all sorts of styles, sizes and colors. I take a minute to be grateful that I researched women’s panties online before venturing out and already know both the size and style I am looking for. I find the spot on the rack with my size and the style I am looking for and begin comparing the colors and patterns of the panties contained in both.

I hear a wheel drag slightly, unable to turn as far as the other three on the shopping cart as it and the woman pushing it begin to turn down the isle from the end I had entered. My heart began to beat faster and I felt myself already starting to panic. In one fluid motion my eyes return to the panties, finding a pack in my size and style while my arm extends out and grabs the thin plastic package and my feet begin to carry me quickly to the other end of the isle. I make my way to the checkout lanes and notice there is no one at the self checkout lanes and so I opt for that option, minimizing the risk of having to make contact with anyone else. I ring in the panties and couple other items I had already grabbed, slide my card, snatch up the receipt, almost before the machine has finished printing it, and head for my car and head home to try on my new panties.

The above is the story of my first experience going into a store and purchasing anything remotely feminine. Many of you reading this may have strikingly similar stories and many of you may still be in the process of building up the nerve to do something like this. I am here to tell you, though, that one thing I’ve already learned is that there is NO REASON to feel so scared or intimidated by the notion of going into a store and buying panties, makeup, blouses, dresses or anything else you might want but haven’t the nerve to go out and buy. Of course, you can always just shop online, but if you are like me, you are way too impatient to wait for shipping, but I am telling you, you can go into Wal-Mart right now, buy yourself a bra and so long as you follow a few very simple tips and keep in mind just a couple amazingly awesome truths, no one will ever suspect that the bra, or anything else you are buying, are necessarily for you.

The first tip I have to help you be able to go buy any product you want without shame or fear is to keep it simple and only buy one or two things at a time. When I told my wife about my crossdressing and that I wanted to start openly exploring it, I went out the next day and bought some makeup, a bra (since I already had the panties from the above mentioned story), a blouse and a pair of jeans, but I got them all from different stores, buying only one or two items at each store. If you take this approach, you can do what I did when I bought my panties and also buy a few other items, so it looks like you are just out grocery shopping and maybe you wife or girlfriend or even just a female friend or family member, asked you to pick up something for her while you were out. Really, though, you don’t need the other items. Even if you just went to the counter with, say, one tube of lipstick and some blush (which is exactly what I did yesterday), who ever is running the register will at the most think you are already running errands, happened to be in the area and a wife/girlfriend/female family member as you to make a stop for her. Now, if you buy too many things together (like say everything you would need for a basic makeup starter kit like moisturizer, foundation, powder, eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner, blush, etc.), you are pretty much giving them no choice but to assume it is for you, no matter how many other items you mix it all in with. Keep it to a few items at a time and unless you give them reason to think otherwise, they will never suspect it is for you… unless you go to the same store every day at the same time and always have the same cashier, so mix it up too, lol. Which reminds me…

Tip number two is to mix up the stores you go to. At this point there are really only a few stores that still intimidate me too much to go into and start shopping (mainly the makeup/beauty stores) but I have four stores that are my kind of “go to” places. Those stores are Wal-Mart, Burlington Coat Factory, Walgreens and Gordman’s. I like all four of these stores because of the way they are laid out: they are large and not so open that everyone in the store can see everyone else, Burlington Coat Factory kind of is, but its large enough that if I get there early when they aren’t busy I feel like I am not drawing attention and I can remain feeling comfortable. The first time I went out and bought everything I needed (some makeup, bra, shirt and pants), these are the stores I went to, but other than that I rotate them. If I need makeup I go to Wal-Mart and Walgreens, going to one on one day and then the other the next time I need something. Apply the same idea to Burlington Coat Factory and Gordman’s but with clothes and you have my shopping… routine? I don’t know if that’s the right word but I’m going with it, lol.

My third and final tip for this post is to stay calm the entire time. If you feel you need too, freak out inside your head, but force your body to remain cool and composed. If you are visibly nervous you will automatically draw attention to yourself, regardless of what you are doing or looking at. On top of that, if you are visibly nervous, draw attention to yourself and then are seen browsing, say, makeup, people will see that you are nervous about looking at and picking out makeup and their imaginations will start kicking in. But just avoid all of that by staying calm, at least on the outside and no one will even pay attention to you. Which actually, I have one more tip: Even if you feel like someone knows… who cares? Seriously? If they are a stranger, chances are once you go your way and they go theirs, you will never see each other again, and even if you do, the chances of either of you remembering your first encounter is nearly zero. So if you think someone is watching you or that someone knows you are planning on wearing the makeup, bra, dress, whatever, just remember that in the long run, their opinion of you doesn’t matter. It doesn’t even matter in the short term because they are a stranger and have no immediate impact on your life or happiness. Buy the dress and give them a smile as you walk away 😉

Next, there are a couple of truths that are undeniable that help to keep in mind. The first, besides the ones already mentioned above, is that when you are at a store like Wal-Mart, for instance, the cashiers ring in HUNDREDS, possibly thousands of items each shift that they work. As someone who runs a register (not at Wal-Mart, but in retail), I can tell you that we go into auto pilot. I almost never remember what a customer who I rang in two minutes ago bought because I just don’t care enough to pay attention. Cashiers are usually underpaid for the extremely rude customers we have to deal with, and they are far more plentiful than you might think, and so we are really just there to do our jobs and collect our paycheck at the end of the week. We really don’t care what you are buying, trust me. If you don’t believe me, think about when someone buys alcohol or cigarettes or anything else where they need to verify the customer’s age. Know that beep the register makes? The one that is clearly different from when a bar code is scanned? That is to get out attention, causing us to have to stop, check your ID and, depending on the system their register uses, either slide your ID or punch your birth date into the register. So basically, even the people who make the registers know how mind numbing our jobs can be at times and they design the machines accordingly.

The next truth to keep in mind is more related to grooming. I currently shave everything from my face down. I shave my armpits, chest, stomach and everything below the waist. I go the the store and buy new razor blades and women’s shaving cream without batting an eye, partly because of the confidence I now have about doing so but also because male grooming has gotten so mainstream and common place that people very rarely question a hairless man anymore. The other day I went to a higher end store and I was window shopping epilators. A woman who works there walked by, asked if I needed any help and we were a good five or so minutes into the conversation about their epilators before I even passively mentioned my wife. Up until that point, the woman most likely assumed I was either shopping for my wife or that my wife likes me to stay well groomed. Now, it has dawned on me that in a situation like that I may have an easier time because even though it is winter at the moment I don’t wear gloves inside, so the woman very well could have seen my wedding ring. Even if you take that out of the equation, though, even an unmarried man could have a girlfriend, or maybe the guy just doesn’t like body hair. Either way, this leads me into the next truth…

No matter what, you are a paying customer. Even if the person helping you knows whatever you are shopping for is for you, even if they figure out that you like to wear women’s clothing, you are a customer. At the end of the day, if you are spending money in their store, nobody really cares. If they own the place, great, you are one of the people that keeps their store open and you have money they want you to spend. If they are just an hourly employee, you are their job security. So really, even if they know, even if you tell them, they may have an opinion about it that they may or may not want to share with you, but you are spending money and so they don’t care.

The next truth is that you need to expect that someday, somewhere, you will have a negative experience while shopping. I will say that this hasn’t happened to me personally yet, but I know that it will eventually. So why is this comforting? Because keeping it in mind, I have gotten to a point where I am completely comfortable with going out and shopping, but at the same time I am mentally prepared for someone to say something to me about it. I am not going to say that I know exactly what I would do, but I have a good idea, and so I am able to let that just sit in the back of my mind and then I just enjoy the shopping. I still get a little nervous from time to time, but those times are getting exceedingly rare, so it does get easier the more you go shopping since you get a little more comfortable with it each time.

And finally, the last truth to keep in mind is the most important: It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks, because you are yourself and you are beautiful.

Erica S.

Trying Blush for the First Time, Contacting Me and My Name

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So at the moment, my makeup supply is rather limited. To date I have purchased liquid foundation (which I am getting SO much better at, thank God! :p), a 3-color eye shadow pallet (not sure what else to call it, lol), and mascara. My wife gave me one of her old eye shadow kits a couple nights ago, which I haven’t tried out yet but plan on doing so very soon. I want to say I have access to my wife’s makeup as well, and maybe I do, for all I know she might not mind if I experiment with it to find colors that work for me, but I have never asked her about it and I don’t like to wear/use her things without her expressed permission. This is partly because of not wanting to stretch out an expensive shirt or use the last of her favorite lipstick, but it is mainly because I see that as the line that I drew for myself. As I have said, she is very accepting of what I am doing, but I also wish to respect her personal belongings and space, and so I feel like pillaging her makeup supply would be a violation of that line.

But today I went to the store and purchased lipstick and a small compact of blush. I like the lipstick because it is just a little bit darker than my natural lip color (think I might go a little lighter than my natural color next time, for experiment’s sake and all) and adds a nice, not-too-over-powering shine to my lips. Very nice, I like it. But the blush… Oh. My. GAWD!

Today was my first time ever putting on blush, and so I am obviously not that great at it, but I think I did a decent job and I look SO much better with it on! I still have masculine features, but the blush really seems to help balance the look. LOOOOVE IIIIT!

Also, just wanted you all to know (since I am already getting followers, which, btw, thank you all so much, this blog is only a few days old and its already getting what I consider a decent about of support and interest and for that I am grateful), I have added my e-mail address to the About page, which I’ll post here as well for good measure. I actually meant to do this on the first day that I started this blog, but it slipped my mind and I thought about it this morning while running a few errands, so I rewrote the About page and included my e-mail towards the bottom. So if you want to contact me you can either leave a comment somewhere on this blog or send me an e-mail at: Ericas_Room@aol.com

If you have an questions, comments or concerns, just send me a message at the above e-mail address. I will respond to as many e-mails as possible with the exception of spammers and creepers, who will be immediately blocked from ever contacting me again, so please don’t try. I am here to share my story and if possible offer any help or guidance that I can and nothing more.

Finally, for some reason, I feel compelled to mention that the name “Erica” is not even close to my given name. When choosing a female name, you have to make a decision: Do you want the name to be a feminized version of your given name (i.e., Troy turns into Tory, Darrel turn into Diane, etc.) or do you want it to be as different from your given name as possible (Alec becomes Patricia, Seth becomes Brittney, etc.) or do you not care either way? I went with the second option, to pick a name far different from my given name (which I will not divulge, at least not yet as my wife is currently the only person in my life who knows about any of this). I don’t know why, but I felt like pointing that out, lol.

So with that, I hope you all have a fantastic day and love every moment of it. And, as always, stay beautiful.

Erica S.

Im a Crossdresser, Not a Drag Queen

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First, let me point out that there is nothing wrong with drag or being a drag queen, it is simply a term that does not describe me. There is a difference between crossdressing and drag, so lets dish about that for a moment, shall we?

As I said, there is a difference between drag and crossdressing, but they also have some similarities and for the sake of simplicity, I feel that is a good place to start. Also, please not that for the sake of this post, when I talk about crossdressing I am excluding those who do it primarily or entirely for a sexual kink. I am sure that at least some of what I am about to say will also apply to those individuals, but just for the intents and purposes of this particular post, I am continuing in such a way as to focus more on those of us who like to dress up as a way of indulging, satisfying and exploring our feminine side. I will eventually discuss the sexual kink aspect of crossdressing, but I feel that is a complex topic that will probably require its own post, so yeah, lol.

So what does drag and crossdressing have in common? The answer, in its simplest form is that they are both ways for someone to let out their inner woman (or man, depending on your genetic gender). They are both ways of expressing who you are on the inside and in some cases who you feel you should have been since the day you were born. Both generally involve mimicking as many characteristics of the gender they are trying to portray as possible. And both are about celebrating who you are. Really though, that is where the similarities end, though there are a few more but I feel the above mentioned ones are the big ones.

As far as how the two differ, I believe Eddie Izzard said it best in an interview with Vanity Fair (link at the bottom of this post) when he said, “Drag means costume”. Granted, this is kind of a blunt statement that is not the full truth of it, but to an extent it is a rather decent way of looking at how the two are different. Drag tends to be larger, more exaggerated and much more theatrical, where as crossdressing tends to be more about striving for perfect “pass-ability”.

This brings me to my next point, the idea of “passing”. In general, from what I have observed drag tends to focus significantly less on trying to “pass”. It is more about the mentality of ‘live large’, much like the divas they tend to model themselves after. I get it, I really do. They are mimicking powerful women and having a great time with it and I love it, but I just don’t fall into this category. Crossdressing is far more focused on “passing” and it tends to be more about trying to mimic the natural behaviors and characteristics of genetic women to the point where we could step outside and no one would know we were packin’ a penis.

I want to digress here for just a moment. For anyone just starting off or thinking about trying crossdressing, or if you have already started and you are still hung up on this aspect, there is something to keep in mind about the idea of “passing”. Notice how I keep putting that word in quotation marks? That is because I want you to think of it as a concept, not an attainable goal. Yes, YouTube and the internet in general are filled with guys who once they are in makeup, a nice dress and a damn fine wig look exactly like a genetic female and are nearly indistinguishable from genetic women, but they are freaks of nature who are lucky enough to have the right facial features and a vast amount of talent that I wish I could have a single ounce of (if any of you lucky ones are reading this, I freaking love you but, COME ON! lol). The rest of us can get very, very close with a lot of trial and error (which I am no where near that level as I am still learning myself) and a great deal of patience, but it takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of failure to learn every little trick out there to get to this level. So my point is, strive for being able to absolutely, without a doubt “pass”, but remember to have the mentality that it is an unattainable goal. That way, you won’t over stress about it and if you do find yourself getting to that point then it will be a very, very nice bonus. The important part is to express yourself and feel comfortable doing it.

Keep in mind, all of this is just a generality. There are obviously going to be people out there who this applies to one hundred percent, others who this is going to be almost in the same ballpark but not quite and there are bound to be those who fall somewhere in between. Regardless, my point here remains that there is a difference and though many people still think the words are interchangeable, the truth is they just are not. They share a lot of common ground, but describe vastly different things. Still, whether you identify as a crossdresser, a drag queen or something in between, its all about being you and its all beautiful. So until next time….

Stay beautiful.

Erica S.

P.S. Check out the above mentioned Vanity Fair interview with Eddie Izzard. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it is something that speaks for all transgender people and he is a little politically incorrect with some of the words he uses, but its still a very interesting article and one I found to be rather helpful when I was very first starting out. Here is the link:

http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2010/03/eddie-izzard-defines-drag-and-explains-how-hes-like-george-washington

Telling My Wife

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My entire life, I have enjoyed wearing women’s clothing whenever I’ve had the chance, but until recently I always kept it a closely guarded secret, never telling anyone and avoiding the subject if anyone ever found or observed anything suspicious (which happened a few times). My wife, was no exception.

At the time of me writing this post, my wife and I have been together for the better part of a decade. There were many times I thought about and even wanted to tell her, but I was afraid. I was afraid that telling her would cause her to look at me differently, or cause her to break up with me (or divorce me, which was the worry after we got married, obviously :p) and I was terrified of telling her, her leaving me and then having to figure out what to tell people when they inevitably asked why we were no longer together. This fear caused me to keep this part of my self, this huge, important part of myself, hidden from her for nearly 8 years. Every time I wanted to tell her, I got close enough to doing so that I started to feel like I was going to have an anxiety attack and I would end up not doing it. Each time this happened, I realized that the longer it took for me to tell her the more of a risk I would be taking, as the longer we were together the larger a chunk of my life I would have to learn to put behind me and learn to somehow move on from.

Then, fairly recently, I got to the point where I began to realize I couldn’t hold off telling her any longer than I already had. A couple of years ago, I was digging through our closet when I came across an old bra of my wife’s. I remembered her wearing it when we first started dating, but once I came across it on this particular day I realized that she hadn’t worn it in a very, very long time and had recently purchased a couple of new bras. It did not take long for me to conclude that she wouldn’t miss it, and so I took it, stashing it in a plastic storage bin that slides under our bed. Neither of us really use it, so it was the perfect hiding place for the bra (I decided I had to hide it in case she decided to throw it away, which is what I was hoping she would assume she must have already done if she discovered it was gone). For a while, wearing this bra while I was home alone sufficed rather nicely. Then, around the end of last year, I started to realize that this wasn’t going to be enough for much longer. Shortly after the new year, I went to Wal-Mart one morning when there was very few people in the store and after hovering around the general area for a while, finally went down the bra and pantie isle and grabbed an eight pack of silk, bikini bottom style panties.

For a week or so, the panties and the bra seemed enough, but only barely. Then, I realized that this still wasn’t enough, and at this point I realized I absolutely had to tell my wife, as going any further would involve either using her makeup (which I assumed she would notice was suddenly depleting quicker than usual) or, more preferably, I would have to start buying my own makeup (which again I figured she would notice, as makeup doesn’t have the natural tendency to randomly experience mitosis). I also realized I wanted to have a change or two of women’s clothing that I could wear, which again I thought would be rather difficult to hide and more importantly, if found would cause an extremely more awkward situation as I imagine she would assume that I was cheating and the clothes belonged to whatever “tramp” I’d brought home that was too dumb to remember to grab her clothes as she left. I had to tell my wife, I absolutely had too.

I started doing Google searches related to coming out to your girlfriend/wife about crossdressing (a term I use her for simplicity, I have VERY mixed emotions about the word “crossdressing”, but I’ll save that for another day). Everything I was reading involved long, slow methods that would take a very long time to build up to telling her you like to wear women’s clothing. The most common suggestion I was finding involved first talking to your wife about spicing things up in the bedroom by introducing toys and, more specifically, lingerie. If she went for it, then you would eventually get her to sleep in the lingerie, holding her close and playing with the fabric as you both fall asleep. The idea would be to get her to realize that you like the way the material feels, and then you would more or less hope that she would someday ask for you to try it on and then you would keep building from there.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this approach, but it has too many cons for me. First of all, it would take way too long. My desire to be able to more or less openly explore my feminine side was getting too strong for such patience. Also, if your wife isn’t comfortable with her body, then you could quickly run into the problem of her not wanting to wear lingerie, which seems to instantly put a hole in this plan. Next, you more or less wait for her to have the idea of you trying on the lingerie. Even if you hinted towards liking the feel of the fabric or even hinted towards you wanting to wear it, there is no guarantee that she will ever ask. She may think you would be too embarrassed, or she personally might just not have any interest in seeing a man wearing women’s lingerie. So, as you can see, there are a lot of draw backs to this approach.

What I eventually decided to do was to start “experimenting” with male grooming (or “manscaping”, if you are that type of person). I started by trimming up my pubic hair, she she was very okay with, as I knew she would be. Next, a few days later, I shaved my pubic area so that rather than having well groomed pubes, I was as bald as, well, somebody who had just shaved their pubes! Duh! Anyways, she was okay with this as well, and in fact seemed to rather much enjoy it. The next step was that, again, a few days later I went a bit further and shaved everything from my waist down (and happy trail since that just seemed odd to leave to me, personally). After she got home that night I told her about my legs and she seemed rather okay with that as well. She did have a couple of questions, the most daunting being “Were you just curious?”, so that was a pretty good reaction. Then, once again a few days later, I spent a few hours one night building up the nerve to finally tell her, and after a while, I did.

I brought the subject up slowly, but steadily. I wanted to ease her into it and I wanted to “prep” her for it as much as I could, but I also didn’t want to go so slow with it that I would have the chance to back out of telling her again. When we first started dating we used to go to a local gay bar on Monday nights to watch the drag show, so I knew she was okay with the idea of men wearing women’s clothing, but thought that it being her husband might be different. I have also always been very open with her about my sexual orientation, which is that I am attracted to both men and women, but have never developed an emotional bond with another male like I have with females. I have also always been a little feminine with the way I sit and carry myself (to the point that when I first came out to my friends as being bi as a teenager, more than a few of them were not very surprised, but others were completely shocked and one had the audacity to tell me I was merely confused).

When the conversation started, she could tell there was something on my mind and had asked a few times what I was thinking about. I finally got up the nerve and started opening up about it. I don’t remember the conversation word for word, but it essentially went as follows:

Me: So… There is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.
Her: Okay.
Me: Have you ever noticed that I have a bit of a feminine side?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Well… its not just a bit of a feminine side. I have a kind of big feminine side and there is something I do when I am alone that I wanted to talk to you about.
Her: Okay… what is it?
Me (After a short pause as I tried to find the right words): Remember when we first started dating and we would go to the drag shows?
Her: Yeah…
Me: Well its kind of like that…
Her: How so?
Me: When I am alone I like to… dress up…

Then came the greatest response I have ever heard to anything I’ve ever said, she said: Okay.

“Okay.” Not, “Okay?”, not “Okay…”, just… okay. Short, accepting, loving and simply, okay.

From there, she asked a few questions and I told her about wearing her bra (funny story, she had forgotten all about that bra until she asked which one it was and I described it). She told me that it didn’t change how she felt about me at all and I wish I could have honestly said the same, but really the experience made me love and cherish her so much more than I already had. After fearing the worst and receiving the best response I could ever have hoped for, every reason I love my wife was instantly confirmed; she is one of the most caring and accepting people I have ever met, she is intelligent, funny and the greatest partner I have ever had or ever could have in my entire life.

We concluded that while she is perfectly okay with my exploring and indulging this feminine side of myself, she wants to be eased into it, and so that is what we have been doing so far. She has seen every article of clothing that I own and I put on my first outfit and showed her once, though I didn’t wear a bra under the shirt to do so because I didn’t want to pop in my “breasts” (more on that later) as I thought that would be too much too soon, especially since this was only a few days after I bought the outfit, which I purchased the day after telling her about my wearing women’s clothing and wanting to do so on a larger level. Since then I have started to wear boxers only when going to work or going out, around home I wear panties most of the time and I have worn them to bed a couple of times and I wore my skinny jeans in front of her one other time, but that is it so far. We talk about it and I even ask her questions about make up and clothing, but we seem to be going at a pace that works for both of us, and that is the important part.

When I find myself home alone and know that I am going to be for a decent amount of time, I throw on my jeans or skirt, do my makeup, throw on my bra and shirt and slip into my wig and then I just feel… comfortable.

If you are in a relationship and you want to tell your partner about your longing to wear clothes intended for the opposite sex you were given at birth, tell them. There are horror stories out there about these things going terribly, terribly badly, but there are many more cases of when the person’s partner is accepting of it. One story I read before telling my wife, and I wish I had a link to share so you could read the story as well, a man told his wife he wanted to start wearing women’s clothing. Her response was that she immediately took him shopping, buying him several hundred dollars worth of clothing, makeup and other necessities. Obviously, this is an extreme example of how well the situation can play out, and you shouldn’t expect this to happen when you tell your wife (or husband if you are a woman wanting to dress as a man), but it is a story worth noting for two reasons: 1 it is nice to know that you never know how they will react, so even though you are frightened and think they might reject you, there is always the possibility that they will have a reaction better than you ever could have imagined, and 2, its a friggin’ awesome story!

It is frightening to think you might be rejected for simply wanting to express yourself, but the reward often outweighs the risk. If my wife would have rejected the idea, and had the worst case scenario played out and she had left me, I would have been devastated, I would have been broken, but I would have had the knowledge that I was rejected for wanting to be me, and as I would never ask my wife to change anything about herself, and because I accept and love my wife for everything about her, I expect the same in return.

But telling your partner and them accepting it is amazing and to all of you reading this who are thinking about telling their partners, I hope you do and I sincerely hope you receive the caring, loving and accepting response you deserve. If you don’t, I am truly sorry, but I ask that you remember that you are not alone and that because it didn’t work out this time, there is no reason to believe you will not find someone who will accept and love you for everything that makes you you and unique.

Stay beautiful, all of you.

Erica S.